Living in a foreign country can be confusing! The laws and customs are very different to what you might be use to, and Korea is no exception. In fact, in many ways it’s totally alien to an American from the Midwest. Fortunately, though, I’ve been living in Korea off-and-on for more than a year now (albeit with a lengthy break), and I have picked up some of the less obvious cues for life here. It can be a whirlwind here, but if you keep these unwritten rules which I have written below in mind, you’ll be just fine:
Brad’s Unwritten rules for life in Korea:
1) NEVER park on the public road in front of a restaurant and block traffic. Unless you’re eating inside, then it’s fine. Go nuts.
2)On the other hand, you can park in front of a convenience store at any time of the day, regardless of traffic. Just remember to put on your blinkers! As long as you’re just grabbing smokes it’s okay (or if you drive a luxury car).
3)The best places to park is in the handy open space just in front of every crosswalk, anywhere. It’s free real estate!
4)If you don’t want a parking ticket, please be sure to let the authorities know by turning on your hazards! Your parking meter is now as long as your battery holds out.
5)ALWAYS wear a mask in public! Unless you need to cough, smoke, spit on the ground, or talk on the phone, then pull that sucker down.
6)If you want to turn at an intersection and someone is in front of you waiting for the light, just honk at them. They’ll eventually politely inch forward and risk their lives in the middle of hte intersection for you so you can shave a few seconds off your commute.
7)Never, ever, ever get even the tiniest speck of food from your chopsticks on the side dishes, or you will get sick, and die.
8)If you come to a queue, wait in it. Unless you think your business is super important, then go ahead and cut in front to explain things to the clerk. As long as you’re older than everyone else in line no one is allowed to complain.
9)Riding in the subway is tricky! Be sure to relax and enjoy it – the customary method is to remove your shoes, rub your tired feet, and proceed to grab every single bar in sight.
10)Sometimes, you will find an empty seat next to you on the subway. You may be under the misapprehension that this is for human beings. It is not. It is for your bags. Take advantage!
11)Sometimes there’s just too much traffic and you might feel tempted to drive in the oncoming traffic lane. Be sure to turn on your hazards when you do this!
12)Don’t sneeze in public. Gross!
13)If you need to spit, be sure to do it right out onto the street.
14)Talking loudly on public transit is a no-no, as long as that language is English. If it’s Korean (and you’re older than everyone else on the bus), go nuts.
15)Riding a motorcycle means you can do anything. Sidewalks, crosswalks, intersections, traffic lights, signs – these are mere suggestions for lesser mortals. You are a god and have Goobne to deliver.
16)At the supermarket, you must stand shoulder to shoulder with the person in front of you in the queue as they pay. Bonus points if you get out your own card and start waving it around as they try to bag their groceries.
17)If you are female, do not be anyone’s first customer of the day. This is bad luck and you will be responsible for cursing them with poor business that day.
18)Don’t sleep with a fan on or you will literally die.
19)Never, ever, ever open the windows on the bus. This will let in fine dust, which is very unhealthy! It is better to keep the bus sealed tight, where it’s safe, with the coronavirus.
20)It is customary to wait directly in front of the elevator doors. When the elevator opens, be sure to shove your way on quickly before anyone gets off, otherwise you’ll have to wait and that’s super boring.
21)Elevators come faster if you push both the “going up” AND the “going down” call buttons.
22)When the subway comes, shove your way on as soon as the door opens. You’re in a hurry and need to get places!
23)Cell phone reception is poor in the subway. The best place to catch up on your missed emails and messages is at the very top of the escalator at the exit.
24)Everything that goes wrong is probably a foreigner’s fault, somehow.
25)If you are a foreigner and complain about anything ever in Korea, you need to learn to mind your place and be a more respectful guest. Also, you should probably go home. Also, all those things happen in other countries, so stop complaining, you bitter old misanthrope.
27)If you live in Korea and have no complaints about here, you’re nothing more than a Koreaboo and need to grow up. You’ll get jaded eventually.
And that’s really all there is to it! It’s really not so hard to live here, just keep these simple rules in mind and you can never go wrong. 🙂 See you all next time!
Gwangju Dreaming 